Defecating 'in the Way of Allah'

I was once told by my Muslim friend that as a Muslim I should shave my pubic hair. He told me also that there was additional sawaabu if the the hair were pulled out instead of shaving using a razor.
Islam intrudes into every way of life, including one's most private bodily functions. The following text is a light hearted examination of how to pee and poo "in the way of Allah"...

"Other religions had washing rituals – several Islamic ones come from Jewish text but it is truly obsessive in Islam! Muslim book 2 (Numbers 500s) and book3 (numbers 600s to 730) are hysterical but this article concentrates on Mohammad peeing and poohing—a fine example for all to follow ‘religiously’! Some pointers are listed below lest the unwary do it incorrectly and incur allah’s wrath!

Hey, Mohammad, do you face towards the quibla or away? (quibla -Mecca ...Bait-al-Maqdis, supposedly Jerusalem):

Muslim Book 2, Number 509: ....Abdullah said: People say when you go to the latrine, you should neither turn your face towards the Qibla nor towards Bait-ul-Maqdis. 'Abdullah said (farther): I went up to the roof of the house and saw the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) squatting on two bricks for relieving himself with his face towards Bait-al-Maqdis. (basically repeated in ***Maliks Muwatta Book 14, Number 14.2.3: )

Maliks Muwatta Book 14, Number 14.1.1: and 14.1.2 also forbade defecating or urinating while facing the qibla.

Abu-Dawud Book 1, Number 13: Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah: The Prophet of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) forbade us to face the qiblah at the time of making water. Then I saw him facing it (qiblah) urinating or easing himself one year before his death.

Mohammad squats and pees like a woman:

Abu-Dawud Book 1, Number 14: Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar: When the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) wanted to relieve himself, he would not raise his garment, until he lowered himself near the ground.

Abu-Dawud Book 1, Number 22: Narrated Amr ibn al-'As: AbdurRahman ibn Hasanah reported: I and Amr ibn al-'As went to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him). He came out with a leather shield (in his hand). He covered himself with it and urinated. Then we said: Look at him. He is urinating as a woman does.........

Beware of Jinns/devils:

Abu-Dawud Book 1, Number 6: Narrated Zayd ibn Arqam: The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: These privies are frequented by the jinns and devils. So when anyone amongst you goes there, he should say: "I seek refuge in Allah from male and female devils."

Abu-Dawud Book 1, Number 0035: Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: ........If anyone goes to relieve himself, he should conceal himself, and if all he can do is to collect a heap of sand, he should sit with his back to it, for the devil makes sport with the posteriors of the children of Adam. .....Use 3 stones to wipe..

Abu-Dawud Book 1, Number 40: Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: When any of you goes to relieve himself, he should take with him three stones to cleans himself, for they will be enough for him. (repeated in No. 41)

After chatting to the jinn Mohammad forbids the use of bone, dung, charcoal for wiping:

Abu-Dawud Book 1, Number 39: Narrated Abdullah ibn Mas'ud: A deputation of the jinn came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) and said: O Muhammad, forbid your community to cleanse themselves with a bone or dung or charcoal, for in them Allah has provided sustenance for us. So the Prophet peace_be_upon_him) forbade them to do so.

Abu-DawudBook 1, Number7: Narrated Salman al-Farsi: It was said to Salman: Your Prophet teaches you everything, even about excrement. He replied: Yes. He has forbidden us to face the qiblah at the time of easing or urinating, and cleansing with right hand, and cleansing with less than three stones, or cleansing with dung or bone.

(Note Jinn are little devils Allah created from fire, frequently mentioned in the Koran! They have rights under Islamic law and can mate with humans!! Some turned into Muslims. Not believing in jinn is unbelief and punishable!!!)

Use a potty like Mohammad’s at night:

Abu-Dawud Book 1, Number 24: Narrated Umaymah daughter of Ruqayqah: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) had a wooden vessel under his bed in which he would urinate at night.

Don’t look at another’s ‘privates’ (actually it’s even offensive for husband and wife to look at each other’s genitals!!! Reliance of the Traveller: a classic manual of Islamic sacred law; m2.4 p512..) "

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